It's much easier ...

... to quit a job when your boss is an a**hole ...

... quitting a job where everyone is really nice, accomodating, kind and welcoming is really hard.

I'm not going to dwell on that though ... I'm going to look forward to the exciting new things happening in my life and remember this year of my life fondly.

I wish I were tired ...

I think I may really have insomnia.

-----

There's a song in my head, but I only know a blurry version of the lyrics ... hopefully it will come to me ... the snippets of the song I know seem rather appropriate ... *ugh*

-----

AHA! FOUND IT!

Packing up 27 years in 4 weeks ...

I've been offered a position in NYC, and once I get the official offer letter in the mail, I'll be resigning from my "perfectly good" job and leaving my "perfectly good" house in search of something that surpasses "perfectly good" ... happiness.

It has been my dream to live in NYC since I was 22 years old. I fell in love with Manhattan the minute I stepped foot out of the car during my first trip up there. Lucky for me, it's the city that Jami found a grad school in, so I will be in the city that I love and have a woman that I love there too.

Day 1 of packing was difficult. Actually, most of the process thus far has been pretty hard. I cry when I come across pictures or memories. Today's difficult moment came when I found the journal that was out at my mom's memorial service where her friends wrote their favorite memories. She was so loved, and is missed so much, even today. A bold woman who didn't take no for an answer and enjoyed life.

It's time for me to enjoy my life. Titusville isn't my dream. I mean yeah, I have a good job that I could easily work at for years to come, but it doesn't fulfil me. I've been there almost a year. Yes, my Excel skills have improved, and I've had a lot of time to read about some interesting topics online, but I don't feel like I've had a useful year.

I have come to realize a few things ... life is too short to be miserable. I'm letting go and sitting back to enjoy the ride. Whatever happens, happens and I'll land on my feet regardless.

God didn't make me this resilient for nothing.

A decade in review ...

I'm really bad with jumping on the bandwagon on January 1, XXXX posts ... I found a post like this on a couple different friends' blogs and have decided to recap the last 10 years of my life for my adoring readers ... all 3 of you ...

It's really easy:

01/01/2000 - 12/31/2009:
- August 1999 - Started working at Target (ok, so this one is a pre-2000)
- December 2002 - Graduated from BCC with my AA
- June 2004 - Mom died
- July 2004 - Graduated from UCF with my BS in Business Administration
- December 2007 - Started dating Jami
- August 2008 - Graduated from UCF with my MBA
- April 2009 - Quit Target [also, met Lindsay and my life was never the same]
- April 2009 - Started working as a Financial Analyst for Dept. of Defense contractor in Cape Canaveral, FL

There have been a few bumps in the road over the last 10 years, but all things considered, I think I turned out ok. :)

We're a bit too connected ...

... and not sure what I want to do about that.

The internet is getting scary. Between Facebook/Twitter/GoogleBuzz/Blogger/email/AIM/Skype/*bump*/everything else out there, I know more about my friends' lives than ever, and more information about my life is out there than ever, and I'm sure they know more about my life than they ever wanted to know.

We are so dependent on technology that I sometimes wonder what will happen if it fails. I think that we're losing the ability to go on a walk and have a great conversation. Personally, I love a nice long drive + convo, or a walk + convo, or even going for a run and talking.

One thing I'm learning from my job in a cube-farm is that I really like human connection, and more importantly, I need human connection.

I've done some reaching out online. Sharing my story, asking for guidance, giving guidance, emoting about my feelings. I've always been pretty mindful of the fact that anything I post online can (and probably will at some point) be used against me, but right now, I need to put myself out there.

In the absense of my partner, I am leaning heavily on my friends. I didn't do a good job of that last semester, and it was tough. I need my friends. I like having someone to go to the gym with, someone to have dinner with and someone to wander around Wal-Mart with. I also need alone time. Last semester I had too much alone time. This semester, it's about finding a balance until I move.

Taking David's advice, I have found a new hobby - working out. Last month, I lost 11 lbs. My workout buddy is moving the first week of March, but I'm still going to keep at it. We're doing a "biggest winner" contest at work - at least this way I'll get prizes for my weight loss :) This week's weigh in has me down 1.6 lbs since last Thursday ... considering the crap we ate in DC all weekend, I'm grateful that I didn't gain any!!

I haven't blogged in a while ...

... not that anyone really reads it, but I still feel the need to apologize.

Why do people exist in worlds full of false senses of obligation?

I feel obligated to apologize for not blogging more. Others I know feel obligated to do things socially, even when they don't want to.

Why do we constantly do things that make us feel bad?

I'm reaching out ...

... but I don't know what I'm reaching for.

Maybe 2010 really is the year to expect the unexpected?

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/11/us/11prop8.html?bl

ROFL

"you're obligated to not be suprised by my amazingness" ... <3

I gotta get out of here.

I'm stuck. I'm treading water. It's not because I'm trying to stay afloat to survive, I just have nothing else to do. I'm bored.

Slowly but surely ...

... the house is being cleaned out.

Garage sale tomorrow. I'm hoping for a big turnout. Lots of stuff. Lots of brand new stuff that I bought because it was "a really good deal!" and then never used.

It is always with the best intentions that the worst work is done. - Oscar Wilde

Yep, that's definately fitting. The best intentions have caused me years of living in clutter (at least my clutter could be hidden behind doors and I'm not as bad as those crazy people on Clean House, close, but not that bad). The best intentions gave me unnecessary credit card debt. The best intentions leave me feeling overwhelmed with my departure from the state of Florida getting closer each day.

*sigh*

Come buy some stuff if you're in town :)

The things that I hold dear to my heart ...

... aren't always things, in fact, they're people.

I probably confuse people often when I talk about my "best friend" because I have more than 1. Each has a special distinction, not meant to rank them, but to distinguish them in conversation. I genuinely love each of them, and know that I would not be who I am today without them.

*hugs and love*

[/sappy, emotional day]

It really is going to be ok.

I know that now. I knew it all along I think, but tonight it was solidified.

Wow!

I am the world's worst blogger, and I'm going to try to get better about that.

I am trying to consolidate my online ramblings ...

Here is my goal ...

- Finish moving MySpace blog to LiveJournal and finally divorce MySpace entirely.
- Transfer LiveJournal blog to BookSmart and get it printed and bound into a book to be tucked away for the days I feel the need to take a trip down memory lane.
- Keep my thoughts/ramblings to myself on this blog.

For anyone who may be interested in binding their blogs ... http://www.blurb.com/ ... they have an importer that allows you to import your blog and paste it into a book using photos, different backgrounds, etc ... I think when I finally get around to making mine it will be a scrapbook type project with my blog posts, pictures from that time period, etc. Everything being digital is great, but sometimes you just need the touch of a physical book.

23 months ...

... happy 23 months Jami. :)

Angry. Unfair.

It's 1:12am. I can't sleep. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm being selfish.

June 10th is 5 years since mom died. August 9th will be 14 years since dad died.

I'm sad. I miss her more than I often mention.

I'm angry. Really? Both of my parents had to die before I graduated college? Really?! Why?

I'm being selfish. I should be grateful for the values they instilled in me, the love they provided me, the roof over my head, the food in my belly, blah, blah, blah ... but instead I'm being selfish ... my parents won't physically be with me, walking down the aisle ... they weren't physically at my graduation ... they aren't physically here to give me a hug when I'm crying my fucking eyes out and can't sleep because I miss them.

I don't care that life isn't fair. This isn't fucking fair.

Settling into the new job ...

... well, so far so good at the new job.

Thank God I bought the iPhone ... the music really helped the day go by ...

It's such a bizarre feeling to get up, put on "normal clothes" and head to my cubicle (this week, I get an office - woohoo!) and sit down and settle in to work and get sutff accomplished. It's a bit hard to stay focused for 8-10 hours straight on the same thing, but I got a lot done today and they said I was a huge help, so I guess that's what matters.

No more "LOD! ..." No more constant interuptions. No more 10 minute lunch breaks. No more chats crammed in Ashley's office that really made part of the day not-so-awful. No more closing the door and whispering about the things that really pissed us all off. I miss some of that stuff. Actually, it's the people that I miss. *sigh*

I enjoy the people I work with, but I'm probably 10 years younger than the person closest in age to me. With the exception of Sean, my cube-mate, I'm the youngin'. I haven't really made many friends there yet, but then again, I was only "there" for 2 1/2 days before they shipped me off to Panama City.

I think I'll spend the weekend wandering around - go check out these beautiful beaches and pretty places. Maybe it'll make the fact that I'm spending my birthday up here, alone. :(

*shrug* I guess I should go to bed now ... back at the office at 7am CST.

Ch ch ch changes ...

My life feels so interupted, and so calm all at the same time. Maybe Julie is right. Maybe I just need to take my life, flip it upside down and shake it violently. Whatever falls off shouldn't have been there, and whatever stays is meant to be.

SAME house since 5th grade.
SAME job for the last 10 years.
SAME town since being a weebop.
SAME car for the last 5 years.
SAME
SAME
SAME

something has to change.

Some Interesting Things ...

#1 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzRH3iTQPrk
I laugh profusely everytime I watch this ... you should too :)

#2 - July 2009 Cycle New Store Opening : Bronx, NY
If Jami gets into Union, this is the store I'm requesting a transfer to.

#3 - Lemon scented trash bags ... sounded promising ... we'll find out.

--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--

Happy 15th Month-iversary Jami :)

A New Year ...

... this year should be pretty interesting. Jami is finishing up her applications to grad school, so by the end of the year we may be in Boston or New York City. I really don't have much to blog about these days ...