So back in December Jami and I went to go see Judy Shepard speak at Stetson. She encouraged all of us to tell our stories. It's about time that I tell mine.
At 25 years old, a quarter of a century into existing, I have come to terms with my sexuality. I am a lesbian. And that's ok. I had a girlfriend a few years ago, dated a few guys in between, and have now found true happiness in the arms of a feisty redhead named Jami.
We have a great dynamic - she adds the edge to me when I need it, and I smooth out her rough spots when she needs it.
The thing that I've come to realize is that when you get to a certain point, relationships aren't just carefree and easy, both parties enter the relationship a little jaded and holding onto some mismatching baggage. Both parties enter the relationship with caution, excitement slightly overshadowed by worry. Worried that it will end just as their last relationships did. Worried that the same mistakes will be repeated. Worried that they don't have enough love to give. Worried that the emotional void that ultimately took up their entire existence will be back again, this time bigger than the last.
The web gets exceptionally tangled when one or both of the exes are still around, either as friends, or through friends. The doubt is there - will they end up back together? Eventually, both end up in new relationships, but still call each other from time to time to get advice, or vent, because they had been together for such a long time that they have some information that is still needed.
We both came into this a little jaded, a little bruised up, a little reluctant to take a chance. So far things are beautiful. She makes me smile in a way that I never have before. The look in her eyes first thing in the morning is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Awake, innocent and smiling.
